JCC London: Earth Mother or Porn Baroness?

I’m juggling a number of roles at the moment and I’m wondering which one to plump for full time…

Earth Mother who slops around in an old Top Shop summer dress with sloppy cardy (channelling Cath Kitson with that look!)? She forgets to have a shower till mid afternoon whilst attending little princess’s every whim, visiting all and every toddler activity the North West London area has to offer from ten am till 5pm.

Or loving and loyal wife? She manages to be interested and fun whilst trying to sear a tuna steak, dole out sage advice on office management and learn lines all at the same time.

This week I am back and forth from Bristol playing a Porn Baroness in Mistresses (ITV) who runs a version of the Erotic Review and writes self-help manuals, wearing the sort of dress that takes industrial underwear to keep in place.

Last week I was swanning around a forest just outside Budapest as Gweneth Duchess of York, trussed up in a Medieval golden gown and headdress, bedecked with jewels and a hairdo that took two cans of elnett and industrial scaffolding to keep in place.

My two year old is not amused. Not that she is missing me particularly. Well not as much as I miss her. No, when I go away to work her life continues the non stop whirl of activities and social events. She has a social life that would make Kelly Osborne wince. Parties, cookery, painting, tea, dinner and brunch engagements. I’m thinking of getting her a Blackberry for Chanukah. That way she can never escape her mother. When I’m away filming my husband assures me that she mentions me in passing. But I on the other hand can be found curled up in a foetal position clutching a tear stained photo of my beauty wondering what the hell I am doing so far away.

I have only recently discovered the joys of Skype. Surely every working mother’s new best friend? It is amazing. I managed to be with Anoushka and Husband nearly 24.7 for my entire trip (bar filming and sleep) and was party to a fabulous temper tantrum about bath time without having to actually deal with it, saw a beautiful painting evolve and have breakfast together without having to tidy up either. But on the last morning in the make-up chair with the full bonce in place plus the full slap on the face, Anoushka eyed me warily and asked her lovely grandma “Who’s that?”

I was asking the same question.